The Campfire Hot Tub
The Story of the Wisconsin Hot Tub
DAY ONE:
The Hyde team spends most of the day in the 40 degree lake waters filming Wingman promotional videos. Lips are blue, hands are shaking and the team continues to flirt with hypothermia. They realize how difficult it is to shoot upbeat summer loving lake commercials when the lake is a week away from freezing over. Spirits are almost as low as core body temperatures as scenes don't turn out and an entire day of freezing feels like a waste. With no access to warm showers or heated buildings, drying off and warming up feels more challenging than swimming.
The only things getting Pat through a day of non-stop polar plunges are his dreams of hot tubs and steam rooms. His fantasies feel hundreds of miles away until his redneck side starts to emerge.
"What are we supposed to get rid of?"
"That old bath tub in the garage, he says he wants it gone"
"Well shit if we're just giving the thing away we might as well try and do something with it"
"Alright, what are you thinking?"
"Hot tub of course"
Pat and Mike carry the heavy old tub down the hill to the fire pit next to the lake.
"Lets heat up rocks in the fire and throw them in the tub to heat up the water"
"I love it"
The boys spend hours heating up rocks and throwing them into the bathtub, to their surprise the water seems to be getting colder instead of warmer as air temps dip into the night. Still cold and feeling even more defeated than earlier in the day the boys realize their thermodynamics calculations were a little off and they should have paid closer attention in physics in high school. They quickly cast their academic regrets aside as they realize that their redneck tendencies can likely make up for their academic shortcomings.
"I'm done playing man, tomorrow we're putting the tub directly on top of the fire pit"
"I was thinking the same thing"
"Its the only way"
Day Two:
More of the same, cold cold cold as the team spends another day in and out of the lake shooting Wingman footage. The winds seem to be changing for #teamriled, things are looking up, shots are turning out as planned and spirits are high. The boys could hardly sleep the night before as they were so jacked about putting their bath tub on the fire pit.
"Do you think the cinder blocks will hold the weight of all that?"
"I don't know"
"I suppose there's only one way to find out"
The boys again forgo an opportunity to calculate their slim chances of success and choose to continue forward with the blind optimism typical of #teamriled.
"Alright, get the bath tub balanced on the cinder blocks, fill it with lake water, get a raging fire going and see if we can get the water warm"
"Do you think the metal will get too hot to sit on?"
"I don' know"
"Cool"
The team gets the tub filled and a fire blazing underneath, the only thing left to do is wait. The team continues to work on Wingman scenes around the water but the energy just isn't there, everyone is distracted by thoughts of the hot tub.
Half an hour later.
"Lets go back and see if its getting any warmer"
"Yup"
The team reaches shore and charges to the tub, hands go in...
"ITS HEATING UP"
"HOLY SHIT"
"This might work!"
The boys stir the pot and dream about how good the warm water will feel. They let the fire works its magic for a few more hours and return to their oasis in the arctic.
"The temperatures perfect"
"Who's going first?"
"Mike"
"Mike"
"Alright, I'll do it"
"Let me get the camera"
"Safety plan, TT if the thing collapses, grab the skinny wien and pull him off the fire"
"Roger that"
And with that Mike hopped over the edge and into the cauldron.
The fear of a fiery death quickly changes to excitement as he realizes the temperatures perfect and the cinder blocks are going to hold
"Hell yea! This thing is deluxe!"
"Is the metal burning?"
"No it all feels great, grab me a brew"
The team fetches the brave hot tub pioneer a beer to go with his soak.
"Can I blast the Wingman in here?"
"Yea give it a shot"
Mike yanks on the ripcord and his hillbilly soak experience suddenly improves even further thanks to the effortless buoyancy provided by the Wingman.
Mike enjoys the warm embrace of the Sconnie Hot Tub a while longer and then Pat dives in for a soak. The waters were warm, the beers were cold, and #teamriled finally got the relief from the frigid cold of the Northwoods that they had been looking for. As the boys pulled out of camp they realized they has gotten this trip in just in the nick of time; the waters of the Sconnie Hot Tub were still warm as the snow flakes started to fall.
The tremendous feeling of accomplishment was shared by all and the guys were beaming with redneck pride. Their math was off on just about every calculation and their first plan didn't work at all but the team never gave up, even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while.
